There’s a symphony going on every day on the internet of things. An ebb and flow of interaction that apparently has strict rules that I am only hearing snippets of and will be sure to shit the sheets on execution. A female of any age posts a picture of herself and a flourish of “Gorgeous” and “Stunning” erupts below. Like a field of scared birds awoken from a slumber, the compliments and love pour forth, the twin sisters of “amazing”.  

This was the year(s) that I’ve confirmed I’m too old for much of it. I can’t get the lingo right. “Am I supposed to add flames to this IG story or applause?” Fuck it. I’ll try both. A heart returns immediately. If you don’t answer with a heart and repost or both, are you even alive?  

The above all sounds terribly bitter and angry, but it’s not the case. Really I’m just saying it’s freaking exhausting. We knew when the FB “like” button showed up that we were in trouble. The fact I can utter “How many likes did it get?” and you know exactly what I mean is all you need to know. 

What’s interesting is that we’ve also applied a level of passive aggressive offense to the wrong interactions. My fat thumb hits the wrong button and you think I like that your Aunt Peggy died from cancer. “I WAS SENDING A HEART!!  THAT MEANS I CARE!!!”  An asshole, I’ll remain. 

I say all this because this morning while IG force fed “stories” to me (aka the worst live play by play of our innocuous lives), I was again reminded of the dance. The tit for tat acknowledgment that we crave so desperately because we just don’t get it in person anymore.

As we approach day eleventy fucking hundred and seven of the Coronageddon I’m here to tell you that I’m here for the real interactions. The hugs (quick/with masks and sanitizer near). For the looking in your eyes handshakes. For a fist bump if that’s what you need. For a passing peace sign, shaka or thumbs up, aka the original like if you don’t want my funk. Is that a little risky and irresponsible?  No more than shopping at Walmart, I imagine. We actually only need to do one of these things. 

So if you see me and you’re in need. Come with arms wide open (effing Scott Stapp weaseling his way in) or an open hand and I’ll meet you there for a hug or a handshake or whatever you’re needing. 

And I’ll tell you to your face you look gorgeous. 

#hugsandhi5s