From whence does inspiration come from? Or is it just “from where”?  Sometimes, I’ll just  use whatever words come to mind and have to go back and check my work. Whence. I’m not even checking it. It’s right. Trust, Daniel San. Trust. 

Really the inspiration is always there if we can give it some space and not over think it. We always overthink it though. That’s what we do. We flip it, question it, bemoan it. We ask “is it divisible by three?”.  Even if it’s not mathematical in nature. Question. Question. Question. Twist.  Diminish. Reduce. Until that inspiration has been overthought into an oblivion. 

I heard (and you have too) that humans are different from all the rest of the animals because of their ability to have rational thought. There’s also those opposable thumbs, and self awareness, and bipedalism, language and a plethora of other things that supposedly separate you from your dog. Some days I like to assume the dog understands every single word. I mean, I have no proof to the contrary. 

All of these thoughts take me to that place I arrive at from time to time that questions why is anything, anything? Big thoughts for a Friday,I know, but sometimes I get all cosmicy and shit. It’s from thinking too much. And searching for inspiration, I guess. And dealing with the constant opposition of my thumbs. 

Friday’s are my Saturdays. Well, kind of. With a lot of the things I need to get done occurring bright and early on Mondays, things have usually slowed by Friday and I can catch my breath.  I’d love to think these days are for catch up, but a lot of times they are just for slowing. To review. Most times to plan the work for Saturday and Sunday, but a stop nonetheless. That’s why I’m writing now. I have some time. 

Fridays are also the day that I take stock of another 7 days disappearing. Like a chunk of Greenland falling into the ocean, to melt and become the ocean again. That’s what time can feel like. Some days I wish for April 2020. Yes there was stress. Yea there was unknown. Most importantly, there was stillness. I wanted to get back to “normal”, I thought. Upon reviewing the tape, that normal wasn’t really as great as I’d arrived at thinking it was, nor was I in a rush to get back to there. 

So for me, what remains is a sort of limbo, fighting against the bad of that previous normal, trying to form a more realistic present. To get there takes not inspiration, but force. A force of will to fight the slide back into the things that cause my human mind to “over” everything. Over rationalize. Over-inspire. Over-bipedal. Over-opposable my thumbs. You get the point. 

I write about this idea often and it never grows tied to me. In 2019 I stopped writing after a long stretch because I began to feel like I was repeating myself over and over and over. Everything felt tired.  Upon some introspection (human only trait) I realized I was repeating myself because despite our oh so powerful brains, we need constant reminders to be the slightly better version of ourselves, and so. I’ll allow it. I’ll allow myself to tell you the same things over and over, not only because you need to be reminded, because you’re not as smart as you think you are, but because clearly, I am not. 

The human mind and behavior (at least mine) is prone to something called entropy. A gradual decline into disorder. Some of you so called , Type A, OCD mf-ers out their fight it on a grand level, forcing your will onto everything. This can make you hard to work with as things need to be your way. Others of us let shit fall into complete chaos. This can make us hard to work with because we are Willy nilly all over the place. Neither is the right way though some of us on the chaos side sure do better with some of the structure. There’s likely 3 of you out there that fall dead in the middle,balanced perfectly. We are all very proud of you and know that we all hate you. The rest of us (me) need reminding, and so I remind. 

There’s no real manual on all of this (maybe I’ll write one?) so for today, Friday, April 30th, 2021, this will have to do. There’s things you know you need to do. I’m here to remind you to try and do them today. Maybe just one. 

#hugsandhi5s