I think I actually need a plan if I’m ever going to write more. The last months or so have been filled with. Nothing. I usually wake up and a bunch of stuff just pours out. Nowadays, nothing. It’s the same rehashing of where we are and the fact that we aren’t going anywhere. I think we are all feeing it. 

So today I’m trying again as I’ve begun to see that when I don’t fill the time with something it fills itself with anxiety. Yesterday I sat and got stressed out about running with 6-8th graders for an hour. I mean really!? What the hell?

Maybe I need one of those decks of inspiration cards or something. Though I usually don’t do well being told what to do. Especially not by a deck of cards. 

Maybe it’s just re-establishing the habit. Writing something.

Maybe I’ll just tell stories from the 80’s and 90’s. 

The above sentence gave me an almost physical feeling of embarrassment for the 90’s (to be fair, the 2000’s too).  Not really fair to the 90’s but it’s like the 80’s was the last decade with any innocence. It’s like the hair of the 80’s,while ridiculous, attempted to make its mark trying to be fun and original. The 90’s felt like it was just trying to outdo the 80’s and it failed miserably. 

The 80’s were brutally insensitive to everyone and everything but we splashed glitter, hairspray, mousse and Zinka on it, smiled and gave it a pass. We were just having fun!  

Looking back on the 90’s and it feels kind of heavy handed. The culture seems dirty and forced, like it was trying to hard. I mean it gave us a music genre called grunge. Need I say more?

Maybe I look back to the 80’s because maybe our teenage years have a certain luster that no others do. A sheen. I mean I don’t ever remember it even being hot and humid in the south back then. That can’t be right?  I mean yeah, global warming and all, but 2020 is way hotter. 

Maybe the 90’s also make me think of the times I felt the most lost. For some, our 20’s are a time to grow up to attack the world. I didn’t feel much of that focus or direction and it showed. I had a blast (I think) and I met my wife and made lifelong friends so that’s a great thing, but the overarching theme of looking back on the 90’s is waste and regret.  Maybe that’s just being 20-30? Don’t worry, I’m not dwelling. It’s just that I sometimes feel I’m trying to re-do what I should have done then now. 

Maybe 2020 can be my redo of  1990 without all the major eff ups. 

It would have been cool if the 2010’s were like the 1980’s, but that didn’t happen.  

I guess we can all look back in 2030 and see. 

#hugsandhi5s