"The struggle is real." They say, applying depth or drama to anything they are doing. Sometimes it means they are hungover. Other times it means they're on the verge of a total nervous breakdown, nuance lost on the application of "the struggle" to too many things. It's the opposite of "amazing", l guess, and in turn if everything is a struggle, nothing really is. 

You, me. We have plenty of struggles, but not likely a struggle of want for any physical item. While on an impromptu trip last week I realized that there wasn't one physical thing that I wanted that I hadn't gotten in my life. I mean, yeah, I want a tricked out 80's Toyota Land Cruiser or ironic 80's Corvette, and I don't have those,yet, but I do have almost every other thing I have ever wanted. You probably have most of them too. The struggle, though, it seems, is still real. 

This physical thing realization told me once again that we all still want the things we cannot have, and it also told me once again, that like the "things" we all think we want and need, we can likely apply some of the same focus to get things like love, friendship, peace of mind, clarity and calmness if we just decide that's what we want. Seems simple enough. Especially when I say it super "as a matter of fact-like" on an internets platform like some sort of expert. 

Maybe I'm lying. Or maybe I'm trying to convince myself. 

The struggle, apparently.   Really. Is. Real. 

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My struggle of late is always the one I've always had and will continue to have because I choose and have always chosen to just keep moving along. To ignore. To not address. To not make change. This loop is neither new or apparently uncomfortable enough to do something about. 

It's the one I come here to yap about, get virtual attaboys and "this is exactly how I feel" and move on down to the next day. 

Change. Is. Hard. 

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I stopped writing this  for a moment just now and sent a friend a message. A message brought about by this little dive into the sameness of the days. Brought about by the vocal statement of such. 

Have you ever had the feeling (realizations of fact) that years can go by and that nothing is going to change?  That "things" are always going to be this way?  This is how I feel. This is my now and has been my forever it seems. But this. Like everything. Is changeable. 

On the same impromptu trip last week I was riding my bike along a beautiful greenway. Hundreds of people out enjoying a perfect spring morning. I had an overwhelming urge that I wanted to be in this place. I also realized with confidence that I could, like most things. Attain it. At a cost of certain work. That's it. I could with focus, work through just about anything that it would take to live in this place. Two point five days later and I'm back to thinking things like "things will always be this way."

What all of the above tells us is simply this. 

We choose a lot of the struggle. 

We reinforce the struggle by not facing hard work on ourselves because it's easier to not to. 

We choose to be lesser versions of ourselves. 

We. Choose. 

That's it really. 

The opposite choices may be colossal and hard and uncomfortable and no one says it's going to be easy, but is doing what you're (I'm) doing any easier? I don't have to answer this for you. I know it's not. 

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What's also not stated above is the undeniable fact that no matter, we will always have a new set of things to dwell upon. To consider ourselves as lack. We will approach a better version of ourselves and eventually settle into the next set of self appointed constraints that led us to where we are. THIS is why it will always feel like it will always be THIS way. Peace and calm and contentment are fleeting and we always lean towards entropy. It's just the way.  

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I've well documented the fact that I'm not necessarily a control freak or that I need everything "in its place." Yet the older I get, the more I realize we all try and fit everything in some sort of absolute. If you take nothing else away from this today. Take away this. 

Life and the world are the opposite of neat fitting absolutes. Every choice, yields choice. This. Is. What. Is. Never ending. 

This. Is. Also. Okay. 

Read that again. 

It's okay because you cannot force it to fit. You can only do your best. Perfection is unattainable. Yet we create this idea of what that should be and set ourselves on a path towards disappointment trying to attain it. We create a world that we eventually may wake up one day and say. "Huh, I don't even know that I wanted all this."  Because. We. Change. 

The choices every day yield other choices that set us on different paths. Away. Towards. Around; this construct of what life should feel like in our very small animal brains. 

#hugsandhi5s