As the morning ticked away I stopped. I don’t need to watch a guy try and build a jet engine/fan drone suit so he can “fly like Ironman.” I mean I fast forwarded to see if he ran into the fence first (he didn’t, what a waste) then closed the social medias and came to the lonely black space that is the Flowstate writing app. I’ve spoken about it before. It’s an app that’s simply a black screen with a timer you set in the top right corner. I have it set for a minute. Once I start typing, I have to keep going for the whole minute or the things I’ve typed disappear, for good. No auto save. No safety. Keep going. Or lose your work. Simple. 

If you visited yesterday you’ll see that I’ve been gone. A combination of the usual over sharing and complications therein, combined with a “just didn’t bother trying” left a 12 day hole of no writing. No trying. No nothing. 

In the past I’ve vowed not to write the above two paragraphs again, what I think of as “excuse” writing, a placeholder while I gather my thoughts, but it’s just a part of the process. Some days you’ll get it as I’m done with making excuses for my excuses. This is also a lie. 

I am going to come up with a list of things I loved about last year. Maybe some clever redirects to the posts that made me proud, or happy, or troubled. I’ll look to the future for you, because prognosticating is a pastime for everyone and I’m gonna gets mines.

I take my finger and thumb of my left hand, place them on the outside corners of both of my eyes, squint, and slowly pinch them towards the bridge of my nose. It’s a move I do often. A lot of times when other people are talking. Kind of a “here we go” or “I can’t believe this is what you’re going to say.”  This morning it’s aimed inward because I know I’m going to throw up the garbage of the first four paragraphs above. I know it, but can’t stop it either. I’ll say “it’s okay and just a part of it” but it irks me just as much as someone who tries to tell me the earth is flat. Okay, maybe that’s being hard on myself, but you get the point. 

It’s 2021 and after the last year, one would think I’d have loads of things to say. I’m pretty sure I do. They just haven’t arrived yet or my delivery of the same things everyone is saying falls flat. If you ever feel like your argument on a topic is “AMIRIGHT!?!” Stop. Step away and go organize your garage. No one needs to hear you. 

That’s what’s up today. 

This, like that, is a waste of your time. 

I encourage you to pinch your eyes, shake your head and continue with the scroll. 

#hugsandhi5s