I sometimes battle with what this is. How much do I fight against dated rote documenting vs. writing so called “important” things? You know, like about the private parts of raccoons and the giving of such as good luck charms. Balancing that Pulitzer worthy content against a rant about the fear I feel daily over my businesses current struggles is real. One could argue both are equally important as part of the reasons I write at all are because I need  to release. Life can be a pressure cooker and the steam only goes away when we either release it or turn off the heat, an seeming impossibility. 

Lately I’ve been opening pages and writing chunks. Lots of them. This is different for me. Ordinarily I start and finish these in 20-30 mins of pouring forth. I had begun to worry that the well was drying out as an idea will start and then whimper away. An uninspired almost flourish. Now I have 10 pieces of kindling, waiting for my return. I usually don’t go back. 

Some days these whimpers create a need to add on. The podcast I’ve been threatening you with. Changing the format of the site. Creating merchandise to sell. Any shiny thing really. I have resisted as adding another unfinished idea to the pile of smoldering “great ideas” is only going to take away from my life, not add on. At least I am recognizing and stopping the insanity before it grabs a foothold. 

This restlessness though is permeating everything. Physical goals have less meaning and “whatever” has now become a default. While I don’t “blame” this pandemic for anything as that’s wasted energy, I do still think the “unknown” it packs along with it is the cause of a lot of this unrest. A spoonful of non commitment sprinkled with “none of this matters”, to taste. We drive around doing things. Aiming to ignore it. “It’s getting to be normal!  This is totally fine!!” we yell out of our windows, through masks clinching teeth, knowing we are lying to ourselves and each other. 

If you didn’t know, I’m the worldwide leader in telling you to not wait to start getting healthy, or writing, or starting your own business. I wax on about November 17th or March 3rd being just as good of a day to begin as New Year’s day, but this year, I’ve softened. For a lot of reasons, really, but it boils down to one. Energy spent trying to convince you(me) is better spent reflecting right now. A lot of days I am having a hard time buying my own bullshit (I still do) and so if I could leave you with anything to think about the next week or so it’s this. 

What do you(I) really want? 

What would move your needle in the next month?

What can you leave behind you, once and for all?

Don’t worry about how to get there just yet. Just try and figure it out with me. It’ll give us something to focus on maybe. A constant in this seemingly random time. 

What. Do. You. REALLY. Want?

#hugsandhi5s