In 1998 I wrote an indictment of my relationship with my father. A snippet of a space in time, a song about hurt and being 14. I don’t know that I ever explained it all to him. I don’t think I regret writing it and to do so now is disingenuous. Writing is where we are today. How we can deal with things. 

I am incredibly surprised this morning how emotional I am. 

When my dad died I sat down with a guitar and nothing came out. Not a note. Not a word. Maybe it just takes time. This came out today. 

Happy Father’s Day dad. 

#hugsandhi5s

If grief could have a weight 

A pound could not describe 

The length of time it takes 

For its waves to crush our lives. 

Sets upon sets.

Green froth surprise 

Crush and crash Pull my chest

Tears are in my eyes 

I know I’m not supposed to live up

I know I’m not supposed to regret

No ones left to say it to. 

No ones left to decide.

I know there’s not a right way.

To look back over a life. 

I know there’s not a right way. 

So I’m not even going to try. 

There’s no such thing 

As the best there ever was 

There’s just who you were

There’s only what you tried

If my life is full of seconds,

Guessing, yours had to feel the same

To move on you had to let years be. 

Choices eating from inside. 

I know I’m not supposed to live up

I know I’m not supposed to regret

No ones left to say it to. 

No ones left to decide.

I know there’s not a right way.

To look back over a life. 

I know there’s not a right way. 

So I’m not even going to try. 

No straight lessons taught

No library left to check things out

Only my bashed shins to show we are both clumsy. 

To show we are a like 

I know I’m not supposed to live up

I know I’m not supposed to regret

No ones left to say it to. 

No ones left to decide.

I know there’s not a right way.

To look back over a life. 

I know there’s not a right way. 

So I’m not even going to try