What to do? What to do?

We all spend too much time on our phones. Period. I’ve often wondered if I could go back to having just a flip phone but then I remembered I hate talking on the phone. So, no. I write on my phone, do business, shit away hours looking at people getting hit in the nuts with various objects, and do many other important things. My addiction is complete, thank you very much.  Recently, though, I had a troubling realization when I picked it up as “something to do”.  Like I couldn’t find anything better to do and this is the place I looked first. Troubling indeed. 

I sometimes find myself wondering what I did with all the free time I must have had back in college. I mean I worked, graced the halls of LSU with my vast knowledge and presence every once in a while, and went out prolifically.  I wasn’t much of a sleeper and I didn’t exercise so I can’t put my finger on the vast chunks of my twenties that went the way of the caribou.  It was probably a lot of driving around looking for people as I didn’ have instant access to them via text. That and Tecmo Bowl. 

I’ll give myself a bit of a pass for my current state of looking for something to do as I’m not training much right now, and I do work most days of the week so it’s not like I’m loafing. I’m just perplexed by what I’d like to do with this free time. Maybe my brain is just full of stuff and I need naps?  What I’ve deduced is that, one, I’m constantly looking to fill every second of time with some sort of activity and, two, by doing so I’m mentally fried all the time. 

I’ll look forward to having a day not jam packed with things so maybe I can work on cleaning up this blog or writing a lot to get ahead of it or finally opening stacks of mail, or deciding this is the year I use a calendar. Then I do nones of those things. I have a full podcast studio at my disposal and think for sure I’ll just go record some things or write a song or record. Nope. I open the Netflix and scroll through all the new shows only to not be interested and consider watching Narcos or Breaking Bad for a 3rd or 4th time. 

Constant interaction creates a longing for constant interaction. Well virtual interaction does. Which is fake, kind of fulfilling, and temporary and not actual interaction. God forbid I have to interact in person for any length of time. I need to be off “doing” something instead. Aka. Nothing. 

I should have spent some time this season out tailgating and enjoying people’s company for the best LSU season I have lived through.  To be fair I had a really nice time hanging with friends last night for the game, but if the single greatest social asset of the greater Baton Rouge area is LSU Tailgating, I failed to take advantage of it, because, you know, I had “things to do.”

I won’t be too terribly hard on myself. It’s a sign of the times and I’m becoming very old,  so my time of sitting in a chair and yelling at kids and neighbors is drawing nigh, my years as NextdoorApp troll should be great. If I’m not careful I’ll sign up for a couple Ironman’s or something else that artificially fills time.  I could also do some of the 78 or so home projects that need attention, but is that even doing anything? 

The bigger question I (we) should all be asking is this. “What is it that you even want to be doing?”  This is why I drew pause. It wasn’t that I reached for my phone and wondered what I should do. It’s that I did it because I didn’t know what I even wanted to be doing. 

And so I stop. And I think. And get out a pencil and paper and stare at a blank page. And I wonder what I can do that will fill this last tiny bit of unaccounted space. 

And then I pick up my phone. 

#hugsandhi5s