4:13 AM
During COVID I woke up most days at 4:13 am. When setting my alarm I feel an almost physical pull to stop on odd numbers. Never 5:00 am, always 4:57. I'll take the time I have to get up and start going back until it feels like enough time to sit and drink coffee and not be rushed and stop. 4:37, 4:29, 4:13. Yes. I'm a weirdo.
This morning I woke up at 4:10 but stayed in bed until 4:13. As customs break hard. Now I have the quiet.
Today I'd like to remind you of the things I said yesterday, mostly because I need reminding. Yesterday I planned on working a bit but also had some margin as the world still seemed to be in holiday mode. This ended at 6:30 am and the day accelerated into a regular work day, the ending, a tangle of stressing about tomorrow. This morning I arose with the same. Stress. Too much. Threats of a spin out before 5 am.
But I stopped.
I stopped and remembered what I told you to do yesterday. Were you here? Do you remember?
1. KEEP THE THINGS YOU WANT IN SIGHT. I stopped and took the five minutes to tell myself I can handle all that's ahead. Slow down. You can own the day.
2. GET YOURSELF 1-5 PARTNERS IN CRIME. Okay. Realistically this is going to have to wait a bit. It's 4:13 am. Even I'm not texting a bunch of people. Maybe at 5:00?
3. DECIDE WHO YOU WANT TO BE. This is the one that gets me. To be fair I am really just working on being who I used to be. To be lighter, engaged, no risk aversion, outspoken, positive, sarcastic and to the point. You can hate him. But that's who got me so far.
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I'm pleased with this because a lot of times I feel fraudulent when these writings lean self helpy. An absolutist, I feel like I can't tell others what to do if I am not perfect. I mean this 100%. Perfection though and the pursuit of 100% anything is a trap. I've come to learn that people find value in this BECAUSE I'm not perfect.
For twenty plus years I've tried to be a healthy fit person that tackles hard things and hopefully says yes to build opportunities for others. This still gets me excited, even at my personal lowest. This is not a 100% success rate endeavor. Through sharing that I struggle with depression and with a lot of the same things everyone struggles with, I hope that people see we all struggle. That anyone who's portraying that they don't is lying to you. Wholesale.
I'll still struggle to tell you things as if they are foolproof, nothing is. But know each thing I try and say is at the least better than doing nothing.
We get a chance every day.
I hope you get the best out of today's.
#hugsandhi5s
