TOO MUCH. IS NEVER ENOUGH
The last day I completed this was 42 days ago. November. Fifth to be exact. What followed were 4 posts about crippling depression and a started story about the killing of a Japanese tourist, uplifting stuff. To be fair the Japanese tourist thing was just a bizarre line I awoke with in my head that I followed for a bit and then left. The actual story having already been told.
Yesterday, I awoke and thought "Today's the day!". It was, in fact, just another day. Nothing came but a nagging. A pull that encourages and frustrates and infuriates, but remains. To question. And sometimes to write.
As most times happens, I'll have something linger in the back of my mind, floating around like one hot dog on a Lucky Dog hot dog cart in New Orleans that dodges the tongs for weeks, turning into some sort of hallucinogenic meat tube, sure to cause a day long trip or kill you. "The Lucky Dog". That's what these thoughts and ideas feel like. Big. Sometimes indescribable. Slowly they refine to a simple idea, a word or phrase, sometimes just a feeling that forces me to write.
This one.
What is enough?
What is enough?
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Buckle up kids because this one may be a bit. I know from experience that your (our) TikTok minds can't handle long form writing and you would prefer me to dance along to some Usher song and get this idea across, but alas, I am old, white and male. Three things going against me dancing. I also am not TikTok-ing so you'll have to read on to get the gist.
Enough: in or to a degree or quantity that satisfies or that is sufficient or necessary for satisfaction. Or: in a tolerable degree.
Seems like a simple concept, but one I have been personally challenged with a lot over the years, the leading applications and questions being:
Why isn't this enough?
Why aren't we enough?
What is enough?
Most times the questions are posed with hurt. Implications that I can't or don't appreciate what I have. That my nature to constantly question and search for more has a negative affect on everyone around me. That this nature is somehow a choice rather than just how I am wired. This trait being the same thing that gets a lot of the positives out of me. The constant looking for what's next.
It's also something that I don't actively think. "This is not enough." Perception, per the usual is reality.
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I've revisited this notion of enough a lot over the last three months. As work escalated and our business has grown, I am constantly considering enough from the side of too much. When does more start to splash over the sides of the bucket? The 80's MTV ad slogan echoing off the corners of my brain, "Too much, is never enough. Too much is never enough." We've sat and made reasonable plans. None of this has been driven by anything other than wanting to be good at what we do. To create the things we think the world needs. But the bucket is overflowing.
Enough should feel satisfying, but more often it comes in terse. Correcting. "That's enough!" says the parent to stop the argument. "Enough is enough!" we yell at our breaking points.
Yet still. I reach for more.
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Last week, my friend Courtney shared a video from a entrepreneur and life coach speaking matter of factly about the notion that men specifically are in a loop of more, more more. That we are constantly looking to the next "success". A goal. Power. Money. Because of this we are unable to stop and sit with ourselves, and because of that, we will never be satisfied and or will never be able to sit with our closest people, our family and friends. If we can't stop for ourselves, then who can we stop for?
I sent him a message arguing one of a smaller points of contention I had with the video then added. "It makes me ask what is enough?"
While walking my mom's dog the next morning, this notion of constantly chasing. Goal after goal. Finish one and onto the next. Mas mas! More, more! I am like this. I keep pushing.
On. And on. And on.
Without stopping. And sitting. With ourselves (myself).
And I'll add the part the life coach forgot.
And asking ourselves.
What is enough?
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If you've read these musings before, you know that music plays a large role in my life. Daily. I share this love with my family but especially connect with my daughter. Through her, I'm constantly introduced to wonderful artists, mostly young women who are both incredibly talented but also it turns out, incredibly insightful.
In early November I listened to an episode of Malcolm Gladwell and Rick Rubin's Broken Record podcast featuring Maggie Rogers. Maggie, an incredible singer songwriter who was discovered by Pharrell in a now famous YouTube video of a masterclass he was teaching . She recorded an album and then toured and then went to Harvard for a degree in religion. Her latest album is also great.
During this episode she said something which causes me to stop the car and take note. It was about success, and enough.
"Success is happiness.
Happiness is knowing you have/are enough?
You feel successful when you feel like you have enough."
28 years old and the above could be a roadmap for life.
That quote has been ringing in my ears daily since I heard it. I've sent the episode to friends without context to see if they got it. I've read it over and over.
When juxtaposed against "more, more, more" and the chase, it paints a pretty clear picture of two opposing forces of modern life.
We do more, more, more, while never stopping to figure out if what we already have is enough.
Full circle.
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I hope to write more over the coming days, weeks and new year, but as I've spent the last 989 words telling you, there's a lot happening, and many times the mental energy needed to do this just isn't there. I'll get it back. I always do.
During this run up to the new year, my challenge to you is simple.
Sit with yourself.
Ask yourself.
What is enough?
Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.
Eternal hugs and high fives.
#hugsandhi5s
