I start a lot of this with “I wonder”. Wonder, being a replacement for “think”. Some days all I do is think, rapid fire, thought after thought, a lot more like wind than rain drops but just as thick. It’s a lot and it’s non stop. At the same time, on mornings like today, it’s hard to put together anything cogent.

Wondering sounds sexy. Thinking sounds utilitarian. It’s because I’m stripping down the things that make “wondering” different and minimizing it as a synonym. Words matter and I’ll spend a few moments trying to right this wrong.

Wonder : noun. a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable.

There are other definitions but I like this one best. Just as I can be utilitarian, most definitions are the same. Get the point across in as few words as possible. Nothing flourishing. That’s what makes the definition of wonder great to me. “Surprise mingled with admiration,” “beautiful, unexpected.” Nothing rote, all big words.

That’s because wonder deserves it. Thinking can be the act of simple consideration, wonder allows us to go what’s possible, and those possibilities uplift.

A lot of times when I wonder I think of the past. I let nostalgia wash over me and try to mentally recreate a time a place to recapture something. Sometimes that felt good or at the least as I perceived it.

Wonder cracks open my chest and pulls me towards my greatest dreams. It’s watching my kids achieve and light up. It’s cold air and excitement breathing in.

As I get older I clamor for the little snippets of what wonder is and I try to be open to it lest I miss it. I try and conjure it at will by stopping, breathing and making some space in my mind for the possibility. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I continue pumping gas.

There’s plenty of time left in the day for thinking. I’ll try to pause and wonder.

#hugsandhi5s