DAY 7: Some days you awake to a quiet desperation
Last week I did an interview with a friend who does a quarterly entrepreneurship letter called Live Life Love (I'll post it up here when it comes out.) Mike and I have been friends for a while and he always asks very well thought out questions. His initial email asked me if I wanted to participate (Of course!) and it also referenced and article that had just appeared in Inc. Magazine called "The Psychological Price of Entrepreneurship." I had just read this article the day before and it hit home. I love what I do, and I know that I am not wired for a 9-5 world. That being said, when you are driven to create on your own, there is a level of daily stress and I guess anxiety that comes with it. Part of this is likely from not saying no enough, but the other part is wiring. I wake up every morning with a quiet desperation to do something. I use desperation instead of drive because that's how it feels. Every single day that I wake up, I feel it. It's like a pulling from the middle of the chest. This is probably why I enjoy exercise so much. It centers my mind and grinds down the initial pull from within, and allows me to focus on what I have to do for the day.
In the past, I have been told I was ADD for sure, but after trying to chase and control that diagnosis for a month or so, I realized, that I probably wasn't, or at least I wasn't going to lean on that as any sort of "reason" for "how I am." I wasn't going to medicate myself so it was going to be up to me to channel and focus the best I can. My realization about this came in the most unlikely of ways. I was talking with a friend from college, and I asked him "If I am supposedly ADD, why didn't it affect me in High School or college?" The fact of the matter is that it didn't. Maybe it was because I had more structure and or "had" to go to school everyday (well in HS at least) or maybe it was because now we are simply more overwhelmed, by everything.
Jobs, phones, family, tech, life, the very blog you are reading, all give us so much sensory overload that I am sure this desperation I feel in the morning is probably felt by many of you every day. It's likely just anxiety. I, of course, want to turn it into some earth shattering "entrepreneurial shining," to push me forward. Regardless of what it is for you, take a few moments in the morning. Even if it means getting up 30 mins earlier and walk around the block, or work out, or just sit in the dark. Breathe in the quiet, calm the mind and channel your inner shine.
