HALFTIME!!!!
Not to be outdone I thought I’d chime in on the outrage du jour, or since it’s Wednesday maybe the outrage des le seamaine? I had to google that. My last French class was in 1990 and I think I got a C. Nevertheless, my popular culture opinions are highly valued and who am I to deny, I mean I am a 48 year old white male. Who better to espouse? Plus, I’m certainly not weighing in on the poorly run reality TV show our politicians are all starring on.
The origins of halftime come from early English Public School football games so that each half could be played by the different set of rules used by each team. While I’m also no football expert, this seems a little dumb, proving once again that just because the English have a cute accent, doesn’t mean they are smart. It also proves that jabs at the English should be taken to reinforce our American authority upon them. (Sick burn!)
Really I don’t care about the halftime show, it’s morality or it’s incredibly derogatory impact on the poor addled youth of today, who at last check at my house, are more accepting, respectful and together than I ever was at their age. I mean my generation drove around town in trucks and hit mailboxes with a bat before trying in vain to make out with girls at the same time. We did give you Van Halen and the Beastie Boys, so that’s gotta count for something.
The logical in the world know that halftime show outrage is just more life dissatisfaction. People double down on their goody two shoes-ness to show you how much they just don’t tolerate things they fear or don’t understand. It’s kind of like getting all bent out of shape about the starving in “insert third word country here” when you could just go outside and have an impact in the three miles surrounding your house. Aka: there’s plenty more important things to work and we mostly don’t want to be reminded by logic.
I was cooking a lot during halftime and missed most of the shenanigans. I assume there was twerking. This is because I think Shakira can’t walk 14 feet without just a little twerk, you know, as a tempting reminder that she could bust out in full dance at any moment, which by the way outraged people, is the signature part of her show.
Related, I wish I could twerk. I’m not even kidding. I have the ass of a 4th grade white kid named Tyler with the same amount of coordination. If I try and twerk, people wonder if I am about to have a seizure. I can draw better than Tyler, but no need to kick a 4th grader while he’s down.
I’m not a fan of JLO. I mean I listened to her talk about getting the “gooosies” for like 4 years on American Idol. Mostly I’m mad at her for putting poor unhinged Paula Abdul out to pasture. I’m pretty convinced that Paula’s Coke cup on the judges desk was filled with vodka, crushed OxyContin and cough syrup. You never knew what she was going to say.
Finally, let us not forget how insane it is to pull off the halftime show. I mean, I’m sure there have been mishaps but for the most part, they set up an elaborate stage, rush the field like an invading army of sequins and pull off 15 mins of incredible entertainment. The logistics, musicality, and ability to not kill one of those extras with a stage is nothing short of incredible. Well except the year the Stones played. They sucked.
Jusqu'à demain!
#hugsandhi5s
