Mar 19

Mar 19 I THINK ABOUT

I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about things. Massive chunks of my life sliding off the side of the day like some Icelandic piece of iceberg first creaking and then jarring loose, crashing into the sea. Giant splashes of green blue water, phosphorescent bodies glowing if it’s nighttime. Related, I got to see these phosphorescent creatures in real life while night swimming in 2007. The forced scurrying flowing around my hands and fingers at each stroke. I thought I might be hallucinating. I kept singing U2, “40” and I kept swimming towards Bay St. Louis.

Thats a massive paragraph and you’d better know the story to understand it. For those who don’t. I’ve hidden a sick brag about swimming the Gulf of Mexico AND drawn reference to me wasting iceberg chunk like amounts of time over thinking about everything. They say you probably shouldn’t explain your writing. I don’t know who they are.

This mornings overthinking started with the idea of inspiration. Of motivation. Of how. Of should? Of why? How do the actions of one push another to action?

It can be done through lots of ways. Through watching the story of another who’s overcome things. Watching a comeback of some sort. Music. Of honesty. Of refocus. There’s probably something formulaic about it that I could Google, but that seems like the especially canned type of inspiration. The HOO-RAH-POOR-MAN’S-TONY-ROBBINS kind of stuff that secretly makes me embarrassed for the purveyor. It seems like it’s trying too hard, but, whatever floats your boat, “they” say. Skin crawling aside, I’m here for whatever brings you to action. To reaching for your best. See. I do cliches too.

I coach middle school and high school kids and at the starting line of all the meets, teams cheer and chant and get pumped up. As theses kids “leader”, I sometimes feel like I’ve let them down by not bringing some rhymey thing to them to chant, but having never been a big fan of cheerleading, I leave it to them. I’m not an opportune yeller and I prefer the calming silence and focus of pre race. Clearly I’ve forgotten what it is to be an 8th grade boy or maybe I just want them to seek out that last little cry of motivation for themselves instead of being forced to chant a devotion to a team mascot. Maybe. Just maybe, I’m overthinking it.

Ultimately I believe that inspiration and motivation won’t last unless they come from within. Sure, you can watch someone defy all odds and have an initial spark, but lasting impressions come from what we etch in ourselves as we define who we are. How we want to be perceived. If you feel a spark. Look to ignite the flames but find out what the internal gas on that fire is, and stoke.

Yesterday I alluded to wondering if “any of this shit matters”. That struck someone as something negative. Some days my obtuseness hides what I am trying to convey too well. Stacks of branches and leaves hiding some grand idea so well that even when stated, the real meaning remains hidden and another, lesser idea takes hold. What I meant was that we spend too much time on “things”when what matters is time and how we spend it. To that end, we almost all fail. This isn’t an indictment. It’s just the reality of managing the lives we’ve somehow created.

Additionally, the idea of spending the days relaxing, considering, and engaging in the things that create time spent value is only that, an idea. A true luxury we cannot afford if we are to have two car garages, private school tuitions, and the other trappings of the day. But if we stop seeking it l, we will for sure slowly watch that time disappear, to be filled with worry and stuff and clutter. So we should try.

As this starts to spiral, I’m going back to the top. Or maybe it’s the middle. I started with thinking too much about motivation, I moved to worry of time Ill spent. I feel like a debate coach giving a participant the finger (not that one), one hand in the air, a quick spin that says “you’re rambling, wrap it up”. So I will.

Today is a Friday. You’re probably looking forward to the weekend. This morning I just think you should take a moment and look within and consider...

What moves you?

Are you inspired?

Are you motivated?

What are you wasting time on?

What is important?

What can you do today to harness that?

What’s going to fulfill you?

If you need to do a cheer, do a cheer.

If you need to watch an inspiring story to nudge you. Do so.

Or just put on loud music, take care of the shit you must and make some space for the real living.

You won’t be disappointed.