Feels like I’ve been on some sort of seriousness role lately. I like when things matter and I do my best to continue that if the urge hits me at this early hour, but some days I wish everything wasn’t so serious. Must be the humidity or something.
I thought I’d go back in time and look into the way way back machine and force out some nostalgia but that’s not how it works I’m afraid. Forced is forced. So I sit. And I wait.
Summer is almost over (or is it?), and the six days that make up Louisiana fall will be here in 3 short months. Sweater weather y’all! I’m trying to prepare myself for whatever is coming next but for the life of me I can’t seem to predict it.
Of late there’s been an undercurrent of “fuck it” flowing and that’s something I’d either like to embrace or eliminate dependent on the day.
What I mean is that all the slow consideration of where we were before March combined with the unknown of today and the next day has left me with a touch of nihilism. Especially when it comes to work. I wonder how we became a society that values going to a box downtown to sit for 8 hours a day doing things to get monies. I don’t think I can dig in any further on this today, but in short I conjure my inner David Byrne and say , “And you may ask yourself, well
How did I get here?”
I’m not a Talking Heads fan, but Once in a Lifetime must be the musical equivalent of a mid life crisis. Just detailed enough to relate to and just vague enough to wonder if you’re getting the real meaning. If your 45-55 ish and grew up with MTV you can picture David in a giant white suit, like literally coat and tie, falling forward, chopping on his arm chanting “Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it. Ever. Was.”
That’s what the second two months of the pandemic have felt like to me. Every day the same. Wishing for a change but when the change comes in the form of more restrictions and business troubles I think. “Hold the fuck up, that’s not the change I wanted.” Boredom and searching, sprinkled with a little bit of lack.
I’ve noticed lately that I visit my phone often. Looking for something. To read. To digest. To break up the monotony. While impossible, I know, last night I came to the conclusion that the internet had run out of things to entertain, much like TV. Like I’ve watched the first season and I’m waiting with anticipation for Internet 2 Electric Boogaloo to come out. It’s kind of maddening.
Clearly this isn’t the case. It’s my brain’s need for something new to entertain it and if you were telling me the same thing I’d say to read more, to talk to your wife kids or friends. I’d tell you to go run or at least go outside and search for something, but the springtime evening walks that gave me so much pleasure have been replaced with short jaunts that necessitate a pre bedtime shower. Stupid Louisiana.
There’s of course “things” I should be doing, but
I don’t. Evermore that’s the same. It’s like I’m saving them for later but when later gets here I just say I’ll do it tomorrow. And tomorrow and tomorrow.
“Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was. Same as it ever was...”
This is my pandemic life.
#hugsandhi5s
