A LIST

Some people have relationships with their parents based on long lines of lists. Things they were taught or told as little life lessons and the like. You know, “you don’t spit into the wind, take the mask off the ole Lone Ranger” types of stuff. Since the death of my dad I struggle to recreate any sort of master list of specific things he taught me. Not because he didn’t, but he didn’t teach that way. He lived. I was expected to notice. 

This morning I can only remember one he told me often, “one hand on the boat” which was meant to keep you from falling off said boat and one he showed me any time he did work around the house,  curse often and end up bleeding. I’ve mastered both. 

Most of the things he taught me I learned by watching. Work hard, mostly, because work was my dad’s thing. For a time I felt like he should try and slow down and work less but really, his work kept him alive. A practicing physician until a year before he passed, his work kept him moving and mentally engaged. I wish he could have enjoyed more of the fruits of that labor, but we all get choices. And his career was his passion. 

I think of this a lot as well because my kids are accelerating through high school at ludicrous speed and will be off at college tomorrow. Have I prepared them for the real world (not likely)? Should I make a list of things they should know?  Am I doing it wrong?  GAHHHHH!!!!!

What I’ve learned is despite my best efforts and or wrong ones, my kids are well adjusted and better people than I was at their age...or any age. Of course my wife and I get some credit as we’ve allowed them the freedom to be whoever they are with little quashing. Still, every once in awhile they will ask an obvious question and I’ll think. “You’ve taught them nothing.”

So on this Saturday in November, I’m starting a list. I’ll reshape this post from time to time as I think of new ones to add. If you have any good ones. Add it to the comments. It would be great to have some outside input on this. 

ON FAMILY

1. Be nice to your mother. She’s the reason you’re still alive. 

2. Spend time with your grandparents. Ask them questions. One day you’ll want to know the answers. 

3. Siblings. Love each other and always be there for each other. If you’re friends too that’s a bonus. Work on keeping it that way. 

4. Disagree through the night. Apologize in the morning. 

FRIENDS 

1. Do more for others than they do for you. 

2. Be there for your friends. Listen when they need. Advise from your heart and with honesty, even if it hurts. 

3. You can still have different opinions and be friends. This is a sign of maturity. This doesn’t apply to being racist, sexist and stupid. 

4. No true friend will pressure you into doing something you really shouldn’t, though it  may  seem that way at the time. 

5. Surround yourself with good and that’s what you’ll get. 

GENERAL LIFE

1. Always let people into traffic (exceptions are people exiting fast food restaurants)

2. When you have time. Get a dog. This time is not during college. 

3. Make space to be creative. In something. 

4. Keep playing. 

5. If you’re installing a toilet for the first time. Plan on cracking the first one and having to go buy a second one. 

6. Never be ashamed of the music you listen to. Enjoy the things you enjoy. (Except Creed, Nickelback and Jimmy Buffet. Get outta here with that garbage.)

7. Famous people are regular people. If you meet one, remember that. If you ever get famous. Remember that too. 

8. Go slower. The rush to get through high school and college gets you to “real life”. This real life doesn’t have someone doing your laundry for you and isn’t nearly as cool as what your doing now.

9. Figure out how to create a schedule for yourself. A routine. Without it, college and life can unravel. 

10. Problem solving matters. Challenge yourself. 

11. Read lots of books. 

12. Turn off the rice with 5 mins to go on the cook time and pull of the heat. It won’t stick that way. 

13. Learn to cook. I can teach you. 

14. Eat right and exercise. Your body will propel you through life if you take care of it. 

15. Less things. More road trips. 

16. Alcohol and drugs are the culprit of 99.9% of life regret. Remember that. 

17. Money isn’t everything. You’ll need some. Try and find enjoyable ways to earn it, but don’t be afraid of hard and non enjoyable ways sometimes too.  

18. Work is work. Fun is fun. They are different but can intersect. 

19. Seek out some sort of spirituality. If you’re unsure if the one you’ve chosen is a cult or not. Ask me. I’ll break it down for you. 

20. You know how to play an instrument. Keep it up. Play in a band. 

21. Stand up and lead or you’ll be led. 

22. There aren’t exceptions to every rule. Only some. If someone says “you can’t have blue hair” this is a stupid rule. Your hairstyle matters not to your character. 

23. Be early. Always. 

24. Embrace how you do things. If you are a “get it done early” or “slide into home at the deadline” know that this is your personality type. Set up ways to get better at it but don’t beleaguer yourself trying to be what you aren’t. It’s an impossible task. 

25. Be your own hero and a fan of yourself

This morning. This is what I’ve got. I’ll keep adding. 

#hugsandhi5s