MOVING TARGETS
In 2013 I had the opportunity to participate in the first ever TEDxLSU, an offshoot of the well known series that puts forth big ideas. I was to put forth mine. My friend Rebecca asked me to do it and I was at once excited and a little nervous.
Having spoken in mostly interactive settings, I hadn’t really considered what it would be like to stand in front of an audience and cameras and espouse my idea. A “wing it” type, terrible at practicing, I began watching and listening to other TED talks to find my path.
The final results, still debatable in their merits and originality can be seen below or in the link in my bio. I was told to talk for 12-13 mins (12:30-ish!) and to be awesome. One out of two ain’t bad.
In this video, I look like I’m showing you how to hold a basketball, a lot.
This isn’t about TED talks though. It’s about “why?” and how after 8 years I feel like that simple question has turned into a moving target which has had me questioning the things I do and say.
While I was researching how to not shit the sheets at TEDx, I ran across a talk by British-American, Simon Sinek. An advertising exec who speaks more like a professor, Sinek posits that people don’t buy what we sell, say and do, but rather....
“Sinek says people are inspired by a sense of purpose (or "Why"), and that this should come first when communicating, before "How" and "What". Sinek calls this triad the golden circle, a diagram of a bullseye (or concentric circles or onion diagram) with "Why" in the innermost circle (representing people's motives or purposes), surrounded by a ring labelled "How" (representing people's processes or methods), enclosed in a ring labelled "What" (representing results or outcomes).” (Wikipedia)
The conclusion being that IF we define our “why” accurately and run everything through that filter, we have a guidepost for our lives.
This resonated with me almost violently. For years I felt I had inadvertently stumbled across this exact thing. My why being “to help make people healthier”.
In 2000, after a decade of being a struggling musician I began turning away from the unsustainable bar and restaurant life I had known and began my own business cooking for people in their homes. A self proclaimed “personal chef”, I accidentally forced myself into cooking for mostly diabetics and folks who needed special diets. In 2000 there wasn’t the plethora of meal prep options, especially not in South Louisiana and I had marginal successes. This entry into cooking healthy, combined with the discovery of triathlon and training thrust me into a tangent career and a lifestyle that has guided me for 20+ years.
For 2 decades I put myself in the forefront of healthy living in my city, state and region. I pushed to start clubs (BRtri), races, a non profit, a healthy burrito place, a coaching business, a race production company, two salad restaurants, a meal prep company, and for 6 years sold running shoes all over the Southeast. This is my sickest most narcissistic brag to date. Soak it in people. I am so great.
What this nonstop push for everything has led me to be, is splintered and fatigued. With that fatigue come questions. Questions like “Do I even care about this stuff anymore?” (yes). “Is this what I want to do for the next 20 years?” (maybe).
Of course there are those among you who will say “Maybe just do less things.” Which is fantastic advice in the hindsights, but as a friend Gail who I worked in a kitchen with used to tell me. “hindsight is 50/50.” Close Gail. Close.
After two decades, my why seems to be losing its luster. I am still violently passionate about making people better, but at the same time, people, can be terrible. I want to help people change in a place where that feels like an out and out fight a lot of days. It wears you out. It makes you say things like “I’d like to stop all this and move to a cabin in the woods and write and let them figure it out on their own. “ Then I pump the brakes and get back on my holier than thou high horse and continue shoving salad in your face. Eat up!!
More and more I waffle between giving the public what I think it needs, whether they want it or not, and selling them the things that they want. To be fair, I know I could make a killing selling my totchos concept (think nachos only always on tater tots) but could I look myself in the mirror? No, I could not. This is a lot of grandiosity. I can’t help it. This is how I’ve thought for a long time.
What happens to us when our why becomes too much? I don’t know that but I feel things shifting out from under me and I’m not sure some days what the future holds. Again, I know part of the game is that I am spread too thin. Maybe I try and downsize, but that’s not a simple process and deep down, I still want it all. So maybe. I just need help.
I think that questioning our “why’s” matters. It’s a check in to see if we are on the right track. If I look above and stop for a moment to evaluate things objectively, I realize that these things are all important to me. That changing lives through health is still important to me, but maybe, just maybe, I don’t need to try and be the poster child all of the time. Maybe I can be a part of the process and not all of it.
Our why can be a moving target. You don’t throw it away when you’re not hitting the bullseye with every shot. You slow down. Take aim and take another MORE FOCUSED shot.
Per the usual, a deep breath and a quieting can renew your focus on what’s important.
#hugsandhi5s
