AN UNPOPULAR OPINION
I am not Dr. Phil. Or Dr. Who. Or Dr. Zhivago, which as a kid I was made to watch. It was 7 hours long or something, turrible. I digress. This is actually a serious post, but I can't help myself. I am not schooled in the ways of psychology much more than an intro to psych class I took at some point at LSU. I thought at one point that it may be a good path for me. It also seemed like work, so I avoided it. All of this is to say that I come here a lot and seem to espouse what could be construed as therapeutic advice and y'all just need to be reminded that while the things I may say may make sense and help, they are mostly based on what I think and not them book smarts. Tread lightly.
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The world finds itself squarely in the mental health revolution. Self care. Awareness. Constant reminders to check on ourselves. As someone who's dealt with depression and other stuff for, forever, this feels like a mostly good thing. Mostly.
For forever, the notion has been to say things like "don't bottle your feelings up!" while someone hands you a small bottle with a very tight lid. “Cram em in there and smile!” The world "cared" but on it's terms and convenience.
For the last year or so though it feels like we made some sort of breakthrough. During "these unprecedented times" (barf), we came to a new state of awareness. Hell I share my whole life here (and more to come!) and think nothing of it. I put self care in my coffee and "mental health" is now listed in the Physicians Desk Reference next to "torn anterior cruciate ligament" for athletes. The pendulum, it seems, has hit the height of its apex. Let us not forget, that the force controlling it, is undefeated in bringing things back into focus.
Gravity answers to no one.
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Last week I was running and reflecting on my times of deepest depression. Uplifting stuff for a morning run, I know. I've long said that my depression is mostly environmental and not necessarily the clinical type. As such these statements are my experience. How it usually works for me is that some stressor gets me down and I start to dwell on it. The more I dwell on it. The worse it gets and on and on and on. It can go on for periods of a day or even months, usually depending on how hard I'm pressing the gas. Eventually and usually, I snap out of this with some sort of step back in which I realize for the gajillionth time, that things aren't as bad as I've made them out to be. That things will be alright, they always are, and that I've self fulfilled turning a not big deal into a giant one.
I am aware of this trend and yet, a lot of times I can't stop it in real time. Oh, Fortuna...
This brings me back to "mental health". My thought on my run the other day was that just how I compound my depression by dwelling on it, we are, as a society on the whole, doing the same thing with our collective awareness of our mental health.
We are bombarded with apps about self care and being aware. It feels like the more we look for issues the more we find. The more we find, the more we dwell. The more we dwell the more we bring these "mental health" issues up. And on and on and on.
I know for sure that this isn't going to be a wholly popular idea. That some will say, "you're insensitive" or a "proponent of some sort of toxic" something or another. They will say that I've oversimplified it and that, that isn't good. Maybe it's true.
What I'll tell you is that I've been depressed off and on since I was 14. That's 36 years if you're scoring at home. What I'm saying is to remember our brains are pliable to want to see and find what we are looking for. If we are looking for ways that we aren't mentally okay, we are going to find them. Always.
Yes. There are plenty of things wrong with all of us. I encourage anyone to find help any way they can for the things that seem to be deeper. I also know this is a catch 22 to the previous 700 words.
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Stopping the spirals is hard and sometimes feels impossible. I remember times in my life when there felt like there was no way out of them. I've had friends bring me out from time to time, but a lot of times it's just been me stopping and forcing myself to do the following.
1. Step back and look at the things I think are wearing me out.
2. Put myself in the presence of others.
3. Force myself to confront the worst possible outcome.
What I find is that if I allow it, I'll go days working by myself not really speaking or interacting with others. If this bothers me, this has to have a huge impact on others from the last 18 months of on again off again quarantine. Get with people
Stepping back can be hard, but trying to see a different perspective is crucial for me to realize that things will get better. Step back!
Making myself objectively face the worst possible scenario is usually the final jolt I need to get out of my own way. It makes me come up with a plan of attack or simply let go of the things that I'm dealing with.
Finally, there's a chance that all of this is just flat wrong. I'm okay with that notion too, though in this case I highly doubt it's completely wrong. Opinions are fun because someone can always disagree with you. My genuine hope is that someone reads this and says. "You know, my mental health state isn't as bad as I made it out to be."
#hugsandhi5s
