LIST(LESS/FULL)

I’m tired. That’s the prevalent thought I get when opening this to start writing. When I was a teenager, this was my default answer to almost every question. Maybe I was. 

Anyone: “How are you today?”

Me: “I’m tired.”

Anyone: “How about that game last night?!”

Me: “I’m tired.”

Anyone: “What time is it?”

Me: “I’m tired.”

On and on it went. 

Last night I slept 8 hours and awoke tired again. Or maybe listless is better. One in the same, except for the fancy factor. I am  unenthusiastic and it shows. 

We can feign enthusiasm though. Fake it till we make it so to speak and sometimes that’s what’s needed, as the lack of enthusiasm piles up like a heavy blanket we can’t get out from under. Kind of comfy but we know deep down that we have to get up. That sinking in is something like sinking down. And down is the wrong direction. 

The year is coming to a close and most are looking to January 1, 2021 as a bigger jumping off point than maybe a regular year. Color me skeptical that, that Friday morning will be anything other than the same as the Thursday before. Jump off points are mental and you’d best be readying yourself for a little deflation, or put a lot of work into the next 13 days. 

I am hopeful.  I will set goals. I will try and get my “list” back, or is it “listfull”. Whatever the opposite of listless is, that’s what I’m doing. Because it matters. 

2020 was supposed to be your year, remember?  The year you lost 20 lbs. The year you got that promotion or changed jobs or started exercising or whatever. And maybe if you look back on it, you achieved some of those things. Things you never thought possible. 

And maybe you didn’t do squat. Whatever. We can judge each other and start over. I know I am. I know this  because that’s “my special talent”. Starting. And it applies to everything. 

Start reading more. 

Start exercising. 

Start taking responsibility. 

Start being more open. 

Start eating better. 

Start writing more. 

Start loving more. 

Start giving myself a break. 

Start new.  

Start starting. 

I may be tired and older and behind and listless, but I’m still alive and I still have choices. Sometimes it takes longer to get out of bed and some(most) times I question what even motivates me anymore. Then I stop and say. “Quit it. Some days you have to ignore the questions and do.”  

And so I will. I started with this and I’ll move on to the next. And I’ll pile things on top of each other. Success on top of failure, each a rung upwards. 

I hope to see you out there. 

#hugsandhi5s